


I'm A Little Teapot

by bornforwar_archivist, Tali_Sarah



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2020-03-14 15:33:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18950938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tali_Sarah/pseuds/Tali_Sarah
Summary: By TaliA dare, and too many smores.





	I'm A Little Teapot

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Xena The Warrior Princess or Hercules The Legendary Journeys. Um lets see, I have no money, please don't sue, now because I have no money you now know that I am not getting paid for this, although I would like to. This is in no way supposed to be serious.  
> This is an answer to Maureen the Greek Amazon's third challenge. Write a Xena story with these requirements:   
> 1) Must be after 'Motherhood'   
> 2) Must have Hercules & Iolaus in it   
> 3) Must have a Xena/Ares relationship   
> 4) Must contain rancid peanuts   
> 5) Iolaus and Ares must team up and force Hercules into a dress   
> 6) Gabrielle must be hit over the head by every other character at least once with a dead chicken

Xena and Gabrielle had just gotten back from a three day journey across Greece to see if any of Gabs family were still alive. They got there and found Poteidaia had been turned into a giant rubbish tip. Eve had run off somewhere with Virgil due to the fact the author can't be bothered to write her into the story. All seemed to be going well except for the incessant whining coming from the short blonde Xena had been traveling with for quite a time. The beautiful Warrior woman was wracking her brain for ideas to get rid of Gabrielle.

 _"Dam Ares! Thought he was helping bringing her back."_ Xena thought to herself.

"Gabrielle the Mighty, Master of whining..........." Gabrielle sung in the background.

Xena was ready to slaughter her friend when she got an idea. Hercules was immortal, he was bound to still be alive. So Xena dragged Gabrielle to the closest town that happened to be where Hercules and Iolaus lives. (That would be because the author couldn't be bothered to write a long explanation of finding Herc)

Xena dragged Gabrielle who was eating rancid peanuts into the closest Tavern. There sat Hercules who looked no different from the last time the two woman had seen him and Iolaus, who hadn't been so lucky. The male, blonde sidekick looked mighty old. Gabrielle spotted the two and decided to have a little fun. She pulled a scarf she had kept from her Devi days out of her saddle bag and rapped it around her head. She then proceeded to dance over to the two men.

"Hercules and Iolaus, I am here to take you to the light." She chanted.

Iolaus squinted and realized who was dancing in front of them.

"Gabrielle?" He asked.

"Yes Mighty Iolaus, It is I, Gabrielle Bard of Poteidaia, Amazon Queen, Mighty........."

Xena walked up to Gabrielle and hit her on the back.

"Shut up Gabrielle. Hey boys, long time no see." Xena watched Iolaus clutch his chest.

"I am going to die aren't I?" He asked.

"Not as far as I know. So have you heard about my big achievement?" Xena asked Hercules who was staring mouth open at Xena.

"What would that be?"

"I offed most of the Olympians, with the small exception of a few. I am positive I didn't kill Ares and Dite, although I am not to positive about Cupid, I don't remember seeing him." Xena looked deep in thought for a moment.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Herc asked

"Fine be that way! Nah.....just frozen for twenty five years by Ares who thought I was dead. Kinda sweet if you think about it." Xena smiled at the thought of Ares. (First person frozen to come back, eat your heart out Walt Disney)

At the mention of his name Ares appeared in a shower of sparkles.

"Aren't you supposed to be mortal?" Xena asked.

"Dite gave me my Godhood back, I really wasn't expecting it. So how are you? Haven't seen you since you slaughtered most of my family." Ares smiled one of his heart melting, make you want to jump his bones smiles.

"Ah okay. You just had to heal Gabrielle didn't you? Eve I understand, I wouldn't have been able to finish off your sister but Gab? You obviously don't really love me." Xena started sulking.

"Xena baby, I love you. I gave up my Godhood for you, in a way I helped you kill my family, I froze that pretty little butt of yours, I could have had you burned, then there was no coming back." Ares got down on his knees and hugged her legs.

"Why did you freeze Gabrielle? It was bad enough waking up after twenty five years in a block of ice, but with Gabrielle. You don't love me, I know that now." Xena pried Ares off her legs and walked away.

The God of War burst into tears. Xena stopped dead in her tracks and turned around when she heard the tears come. She rolled her eyes and made her way back to Ares. The next thing anyone knew Xena The Great Warrior Princess was cradling the God of War in her arms like he was a baby.

Gabrielle was dancing around the tavern with a dead chicken on her head. Iolaus grabbed it off her then hit her over the head with it, the Bard didn't go down straight away so Hercules hit her, then Xena and Ares joined by both taking turns. In the end it was to much for her, the Bard went down, defeated by a dead chicken.

Gabrielle woke up in a cold sweat. Her hair was still long, she was wearing her trademark green top with brown skirt and Xena was fast asleep across the fire. It had all been a dream. The Twilight, Ares and Xena, Eve, dying and going to the light and most of all no dead chicken. A bad dream, a very bad dream.

The next day on their way towards Corinth Xena and Gabrielle met up with Hercules and Iolaus. That night they were all sitting around the camp fire talking when Ares appeared. Gabrielle grabbed her staff.

"Relax blondie, I come in peace." Ares spoke rather sarcastically.

He held up a bottle of booze.

"I lost a bet with Dite and I need to drink with someone, any volunteers?" The Olympian asked.

Xena, Hercules and Iolaus all raised their hands. As the night progressed everyone got really drunk until Gabrielle noticed Ares and Iolaus planning something. The next thing anyone knew Hercules was being forced to wear a dress and sing I am a little teacup three times, then run through Corinth screaming "I am Hercules, King of Drag".

Hercules stood in front of his brother King Iphicles with Xena, Ares, Iolaus and Gabrielle all giggling. Half way through the run the royal guards had caught him and brought him before the King. At the sight of his younger brother in a dress Iphicles burst out laughing. Hercules silenced his friends with a glare.

"So Herc little brother, what brings you to Corinth in a dress?" Iphicles asked.

"Ares and Iolaus made me do it." Herc sulked.

"You didn't have to." Xena yelled.

"You were threatening to cut of the blood supply to my brain if I didn't." Hercules protested.

"What brain?" Ares asked.

This set the friends off again in a round of giggles. Hercules turned to see Ares whisper something to Xena. The next thing Herc knew Xe and Ar were making out.

Hercules awoke with a blood curdling scream. He looked around, Iolaus was asleep and it had all been a dream, a very bad dream. Gabrielle, waking up thinking dying had been a dream then the dress, none of it was real. Thank the Gods.

On the other side of Greece a Warrior Princess lay in the arms of her lover, Ares the God of War.

"Ares, you think they enjoyed their dreams?" Xena asked.

With a wicked smile he replied. "I sure they did Princess, I am sure they can't wait till tomorrow night."

 

The End


End file.
